Thursday, October 3, 2013

Time With My Dear Mother

It seems all I ever say any more is how fast times flies, I am so busy yet I am behind, not here at my blog or art, not in my regular routine. And, it is true once again. Not that time flies but that I've been busy and not the sort of "busy" due to too many activities. My "busy" has been of limited activities this year; limited to basic things, my part time retail job and helping my sister take care of my dear Mother. Since my post in March I have been able to work in a few things but my Mother has been my primary concern. After becoming weaker the past three years, her poor heart condition and aging progressed even more quickly this year. She was in and out of the hospital five times, with the fifth stay in the hospital her last. She passed away August 13th. These were her final days, the days to make her as comfortable as possible. We spent our time together talking with her about her childhood, looking through family photos, making her favorite foods, eating midnight snacks, looking through crochet patterns and helping her more each day with tasks she could no longer do for herself. We always told each other "I love you"  each day. I enjoyed each bittersweet moment together with her not knowing if it would be the last. They were special moments in a different way because I saw my mother with different eyes. I was so proud of her and so glad she was my mother, and I still am. There will always be grief to some degree for me until I see my Mother again. Loss is the great leveler, a disturbing, suffocating blow. Time does NOT heal, only gives distance and coming to terms with a loss. Grief and mourning IS HARD, even scary. Only God is the great healer, cushioning the impact. Yet at times it is a struggle to trust Him and to be sure of His care. Loss and grief affect everyone differently and everyone grieves differently. My comfort is that I know some day we will be together again and walk upon the streets of gold with the rest of our family and our Lord. For now, I know she is always with me in my heart.

"Lord: it is time.
The huge summer has gone by.
Now overlap the sundials with your shadows,
and on the meadows let the wind go free.
Command the fruits to swell on tree and vine;
Grant them a few more transparent days,
urge them on to fulfillment then,
press the final sweetness into the heavy wine."
~Rainer Maria Rilke~ Autumn

"In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind." Job 12:10

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"I had always felt life first as a story and if there is a story there is a storyteller."
~G. K. Chesterton~

"The heart, like the mind, has a memory. And in it are kept the most precious keepsakes."
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow~